Im feeling a little vunerable at this present time. I am beginning a new job with the hospital here in town and Im starting to get pretty deep into this Elevation Church crowd. Theres alot of new stuff going on, and new people Im meeting and that has always been strenuous for me, wanting to be liked and so forth. Im also beginning to feel my heart to begin to change, as a child I was sensitive to others, but after many situations of being burned by people close to me I hardened my heart. But like I said I feel a change in my heart occuring. I feel as if God is actually some one who can love me even for all my flaws, and in turn my heart has softened to others, I feel a freedom of peace, I havent felt since back in South Africa. But with all the good Im also afraid of change, I like to be in control, I believe thats just a natural feeling for humans, no one likes to feel as if someone else is in pilot seat of their life figuratively speaking. Im also nervous about my te pledge I dont really know what Im going to do, but I know as clear as day that God said that amount, and last night he told me not to worry.
God and I have been having some conversations in my car for the past week, I got the idea from Adam and Benjamin. So anyway God and I have been talking, well Ive been talking, he mostly listens, but throughout these conversations he has widened my vision so to speak. I have been so focused on my own set plans that I didnt realize what I was becoming towards friends and other people. I have also seemed to allow time and circumstances to create a severe chasm in my relationship with Jesus and myself. I have a lot of mending and praying to continue, and a lot of issues I need to work out with old friends. haha I wonder what the people driving past me think when they see me ranting to myself in my car. one step away from crazy. its a possibility. but then again didnt people think John the Baptist was crazy as well?
- the one thing Im missing...is in your eyes - RW
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3 comments:
all of that is awesome to hear/read, considering blogs are the only way I have of really getting to know you right now. it's cool when you can see the way that God is changing your heart and your outlook on things as it happens, and I understand what you mean by wanting to be in control. I have problems with that all of the time.
I'm glad you're willing to get sucked into the whole Elevation experience. I have to say it's pretty awesome.
Oh, and I do the whole talking to myself in the car thing, but people already know I'm crazy, so it's no big deal.
:]
"do you love me?
...make an assessment!"
This is awesome, Michael. It is wonderful when you begin to notice God doing His God thing in your heart and in your life. I am sometimes an absurdly OCD person, so I have a rough time letting little things go sometimes, but I'm slowly beginning to change that. I'm seeing God do so much in my life I'm starting to think I'm going to get addicted to seeing God do wonderful things in my life and in the life of those around me. Not a bad thing, though!
I hope you're seriously loving this THING, this movement that IS Elevation. And apologies if I seemed out of it at that Saturday set up, I think I am having a post-Dominate double take... You were putting up the pipe and drape in the cafeteria, right? I don't think I recognized you for a bit. haha. Hope you make it out to lunch with us sometime!!
Enough of this dreadfully long comment.
hey! dude so I have been totally wondering where YOU have been, I haven't seen you since that crazy middle of the night thing at the office.
anyways awesome post. I get what you're saying about not being able to be in control, God has been dealing with me in that aspect a lot lately. He seems to just be pulling away everything else that I am able to control away, so I can just fully trust Him. yeah it's scary, but amazing too. same with the dominate pledge. totally an insane leap of faith, but I know He will provide. it's just what He does :)
haha, and I'm super glad you're getting into the whole elevation thing. I know being in a new spot is scary at first, I just moved here like a year ago, (and have moved TONS of times in my 18 years) but we're super glad you're here and I'm glad I met you! hopefully I'll be able to see you sometime soon at elevation. I'm always around so I'll look for you :D
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