we look so good...but looks can be deceiving

Yet another week and I’m here. Feeling reinvigorated by King’s message today, he is an excellent speaker. I am familiar with the David and Goliath story but his closest men I didn’t know much about. I am quite impressed at how God orchestrates the plans he sets in motion. It amazes me how little I know of what I thought was my “religion.” But God is so much deeper than religion and tradition. I always thought the prophets, kings, men and women God called to set his plans out had it all together, that they had no problems and they had their lives set perfectly together. But God seems to pick those most unlikely to do something amazing to do something…well amazing. The thought of David depressed I had never really given thought to, but in the light of Kings message it actually makes so much sense. To be hunted by his own and by the enemy that will be a major tax on your mind and body. What a position to be in.

In light of what I have learned today, I have really been looking at myself and who I am as a person. I know I need Jesus, that is fact and truth and that will never change. But then there is the sin, insecurities, and nature of myself to take into consideration. I am sinful by nature, unfortunately I cannot change that, all I can do is try to live a Godly life and do the best I can, okay easier said than done. Insecurities within myself…lay them before the Lord and let him change my attitude, and perception daily through his word. And then the very nature of myself, personal plans, goals, wants, needs. These must change to correlate with Gods purpose in my life. All wonderful solutions to problems within myself. And yet on the other side of the coin I struggle with the fact that I don’t have many Christian friends, in fact I now know that the only “true” Christians I know go to Elevation, sure myself and my old friends called ourselves Christians but our lifestyle is far from it. I love God, but I struggle with the fact that I know God wants me to cut out my old friends, these people are not speaking life into me, the lifestyle I have led is self-destructive and destructive those around me, so in fact together we are pulling ourselves down. I know two years ago we weren’t acting the way we are now, drinking, the parties, sleeping around this is what we have become, and every moment longer in this lifestyle drags me further down into sadness, frustration, and of course emptiness. So this I have all come to realize today. But this past Friday, against my better judgment I went back up to Greensboro where I used to live, to see old friends. But while I was up there I could not relax, sitting there I felt very uncomfortable, I mean me and my old friends are nice people, we don’t go looking for trouble and yet in all this, “oh I’m just looking to have a good time, and enjoy college” I felt convicted in my heart, but I continued to stay. then at one point in the night one of my friends pulled out some durgs (the site censored it out the first time I tried posting it spelt properly, weird), and as they passed it around, I thought to myself “when does it end?” this is me after two years of being around these people, where will I be two years from now with these same people? Will I be satisfied? Perhaps everything will be okay, but where will God be? So as they passed around the durgs I got up and left, it was about 330 in the morning and I was slightly drunk (a very stupid idea on my part) and I got in my car and drove back to Charlotte. I want to be like David, a man who will not compromise, and when I die, I want to be able to tell God that I did go back to my old friends, but instead of them dragging me down…I pulled them up.

“You are no more worthy of His love on your best day than you are on your worst.” - Pastor Steve